


And I will try to fix you

by dothenaomicampbellwalk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Getting Back Together, I Watched Too Much Grey's Anatomy, M/M, Miya Atsumu-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24708577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dothenaomicampbellwalk/pseuds/dothenaomicampbellwalk
Summary: “I have to tell you something.” Sakusa looked at the wall that seemed very interesting at that moment.“I’m listenin’” Atsumu said, running fingers on his boyfriend’s chest. He could see the goosebumps forming on his body as he did so, and smiled as he thought im givin’ him goosebumps because he loves me so much.“I love you.” Sakusa started.“I know, ya said it repeatedly no less than ten minutes ago while I had yer dick in my mouth so yeah, I know.”  Atsumu teased him gently, waiting for him to continue. He couldn’t see him, but he knew Sakusa rolled his eyes.“I got accepted at Hopkins.”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu (not really), Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, mentioned Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 22
Kudos: 147





	And I will try to fix you

**Author's Note:**

> The Sakuatsu Grey's anatomy/Hospital AU no one asked for that I wrote for myself. Enjoy, Sakuatsu fellow shippers.
> 
> Title is a Coldplay song. Yes, very original.
> 
> I am by no mean a doctor, I'm not even a med student so please be patient and try not to cringe if I got things totally wrong. But I watched 15 seasons of Grey's anatomy so I'm pretty sure I can perform an aorta repair with my eyes closed.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos and check my other story, Have mercy on my heart. (although it heavily needs to be reviewed and edited). Enjoy!

Atsumu rearranged his now wrinkled scrub shirt and messy hair with a laugh.

“Well thanks, ’t was good.” He kissed the other man on the cheek and helped him out of the on-callroom’s bunkbed.

“Thank you, Atsumu. I really needed that.” The orange-haired resident said with a wide smile. Atsumu smiled back, happy to see that Shoyo felt nicer than the mess that came to him about an hour go.

“Nah, I get it. Ya’ve been followin’ this patient for over a year now and ya finally found a donor. It’s a big deal.”

“Yeah.” Shoyo looked everywhere in the room but at Atsumu, and it didn’t sit well with him. Something was weighing on his shoulders, Atsumu could tell. Shoyo was the funniest, warmest and generally best person he knew and when something was off, it showed. For the past five years, they’ve been friends, and as time passed by the “benefits” part came and they’d occasionally have sex mostly for stress relief purpose and they were both fine with that. No strings attached, just comfort and friendship. Of course they would stop when of them dated, which didn’t happen much nor last long anyway.

Atsumu glared down at the smaller man until he gave in an finally said what was on his mind. “I’m gonna ask him out. I’m gonna ask Kageyama Tobio on a date after he gets the surgery that may or may not fail and leave me miserable. And his family too but I’m being self-centered right now cause I’m in the middle of a crisis.”

“You’re asking your patient with the congenital heart defect on a date.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t judgmental. It was merely to get adjusted to the reality that one day, one of them would fall in love and they would have to definitely stop the occasional stress relief sex. Atsumu always knew it was more likely to be Shoyo and certainly not him. It just happened faster than he thought.

“Yes, Atsumu. I am.” Shoyo smiled a sad smile and it teared Atsumu’s heart a little. He hated seeing Shoyo unhappy. “I… I’m finally seeing the end of my residency you know. I feel like… I feel like maybe I’m not a complete failure. Maybe I can finally achieve my dream of becoming this incredible cardio surgeon in this incredible hospital and that I can finally get to be happy. And I recently came out to my mom. It went well, it went so well Atsumu.” His smile got happier, and so did Atsumu. “So now I feel like I’ve got my life put together and I want to share it with someone. I mean, no offense to you but I think it’s time we both build healthy and normal relationships with people we actually see a future with instead of screwing when we feel bad.” He ran his hand through his hair and Atsumu couldn’ help but think about how good Shoyo looked, but how he could never love him the way he deserved. So he laughed, and nodded.

“Ya really like him, huh?”

“I do. I’m gonna ask him out and… well I hope he says yes.” Shoyo got out of the on-call room with a smile, bidding goodbye to Atsumu.

He thought that maybe, he should put his crap together too.

The day after, Shoyo actually asked the man out on a date, and unsurprisingly he said yes. The word spread fast around the hospital and Atsumu wondered how he never got disciplined for sleeping around so much with the residents, and sometimes the nurses. When chief Kita paged him that morning, he actually thought he was done for. Maybe a nurse complained to HR, he thought.

But he sure as hell never imagined he would open the meeting room and see _him_ standing next to Kita, looking as bored as always.

“Ah, doctor Miya we were waiting for you.” Kita said politely, but everyone in the room knew that behind this very calm and nice demeanor was hiding a menace. A deadly human menace.

“Sorry, Chief. My interns messed up my charts an’ I had to take care of it.” Atsumu remained as composed as he could, not allowing himself to have just one look at _him_. Instead, he grinned his signature fake smile and sat next to the head of ortho. He turned to see if Suna was here and spotted him in the corner of the room with his arms crossed with a frown set on his face. Atsumu turned back his head to face the Chief and the new guy. He crossed his hands on his lap and kept smiling, which was actually creepy and he was well-aware of it, but he couldn’t help his right leg from shaking underneath the table. He discreetly checked his pulse, although he could tell his heart was beating like crazy since he could feel it slamming against his chest.

“Perfect, everyone’s here.” Kita paused for a second to take a sip of coffee from his cup, and continued. “I am very pleased to introduce you to our new head of neuro. Since I became chief it’s impossible for me to do a decent job as head of neuro. He comes directly from Hopkins in the United States and honors us with his presence and unmatched surgical talent. I will let him present himself.”

_-Hopkins. He fucking made it to Hopkins-_

“Sakusa Kiyoomi. Neuro surgeon. I went to med school at the University of Tokyo and did my residency at Hopkins. Thanks for having me.” Sakusa briefly introduced himself, leaving Kita do the talking. He didn’t look at Atsumu at all, not even for one second.

“It’s an honor to have such a talent with us, I count on you all to make him feel at home in out hospital. Please introduce yourselves.” Kita said with his hand waving at the room filled with surgeons. The attending introduced themselves one by one, stating their medical specialization and names.

“Kuroo Tetsuro, head of cardio. It’s nice to have a new face around here, I’m looking forward to working with you.” It was dangerously going to be Atsumu’s turn to introduce himself and he didn’t need people to know that he was uncomfortable with it. So he inhaled and exhaled and discreetly as possible.

“Bokuto Kotaro, head of ortho. Same as Kuroo man, we’re very pleased to meet you!” Bokuto beamed, as always, irritating Atsumu more than usual. It was his turn. He stared at his hands resting on his lap, pretending he didn’t know it was his turn to talk. And it worked, because he heard a voice echoing from the back of the room and immediately recognized Suna.

“Suna Rintaro. Obstetrics. Pleasure.” Atsumu could tell by the tone his Suna’s voice that he was upset by Sakusa’s presence, maybe even more than Atsumu was.

“Miya Atsumu, head of trauma. ‘Sup.” He waved his hand without looking at _the_ Sakusa Kiyoomi. He needed to get out of this room without people being suspicious of his behavior, and before he hyperventilated. He was supposed to have a nice and easy day torturing the intern that messed up his charts and save people who came into his ER. He was supposed to have a nice and easy day, not seeing Sakusa Kiyoomi after seven years.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi. Pediatric. Welcome to Inarizaki Memorial.”

_______

Atsumu exited the meeting room as fast as he could right when Kita ended the reunion. He felt his chest tightening and was desperately in need of air. He ran down the ER and took a deep breath as he finally stepped outside. He leaned against the cold wall and almost ignored his pager, almost, just to have one more minute to clear his mind. He had so many fucking questions to ask Sakusa but at the same time, he really, _really_ did not want to talk to him. Seven years. One would think so much time would help a wounded heart to heal, but sometimes life was unfair and there also was the possibility that you might never recover, and carry a very sick, a very weaken heart for the rest of your life. And of course, it happened to Atsumu. Of course, he couldn’t get over Sakusa no matter how hard he tried.

The first year was a perfect disaster. Fresh out of med school, Suna and him enrolled the same program at Inarizaki Memorial Hospital, ready to kick ass. And they did, but Atsumu overworked himself so badly just to forget, just to avoid going home to an empty bed. He couldn’t stand going to places he would go with Sakusa, couldn’t stand hear people say his name. He couldn’t even sleep on Sakusa’s former side of the bed. It was like grieving and Atsumu found out he was very bad at it, and he wasn’t bad at anything in his entire life. His brother tried to make him go out, see other people. Sun helped Osamu, but to no avail. The first year was, by far, the worst year of his life.

The second year was just a little better, as he started going out again. He couldn’t date, though.

The third year, he was able to sleep on Sakusa’s side of the bed, and have someone else in it. When Shoyo started his first year as an intern, and Atsumu was a third year, life got a little better. And since then, Shoyo became his everyday support. And he couldn’t bring himself to tell that to Suna and Osamu because it wasn’t fair to them at all, but they weren’t going through a major, life-changing breakup that left them crying all night every night, so he allowed himself that. He allowed himself having Hinata Shoyo, this hospital’s resident ball of sunshine that brought him joy and helped him get back on his two feet. He cursed himself for needing sex to get better, he did. He couldn’t do anything about it though, it worked like a charm. Or so he thought. Because the second he saw Sakusa standing tall and proud and bored and looking hotter than ever, everything fell apart _again_. His world fell apart again and he wasn’t sure he could handle it this time, not even if he could have Shoyo in his bed every night. Memories of a particularly difficult day flooded his mind and he couldn’t function like a normal person anymore. He had to pretend to be ok, because one, his coworkers didn’t need to see him falling apart because the love of his life reappeared without notice after seven years of being apart and two, he didn’t said love of his life to see him falling apart because of him. He slapped himself hard, and got back to work as the damn good surgeon that he was.

_______

Atsumu's head emerged from beneath the blanket and found a comfortable spot on Sakusa’s panting chest. The curly-haired man stroked long fingers in his bleached hair and it felt like pure bliss.

“I have to tell you something.” Sakusa looked at the wall that seemed very interesting at that moment.

“I’m listenin’” Atsumu said, running fingers on his boyfriend’s chest. He could see the goosebumps forming on his body as he did so, and smiled as he thought _im givin’ him goosebumps because he loves me so much._

“I love you.” Sakusa started.

“I know, ya said it repeatedly no less than ten minutes ago while I had yer dick in my mouth so yeah, I know.”Atsumu teased him gently, waiting for him to continue. He couldn’t see him, but he knew Sakusa rolled his eyes.

“I got accepted at Hopkins.”

_______

As soon as he stepped back in the ER, he hurried to take care of patients and to give his residents cases to care of. A nurse called out to him, and informed him there were a serious amount of traumas incoming after a massive car accident.

“Yamaguchi I need ya to call the blood bank and make sure we have enough O-neg supplies. Yachi ya take the less injured patients at the clinique and gather a team of interns that will do the basics but ya stay with ‘em, ya watch an’ help ‘em an’ you page me if anythin’ goes wrong but ya should be fine, I trained ya for that.” He gave the two fourth year residents the instructions and moved on to his other doctors and nurses. “I need the nurses to make sure we have enough beds to receive at least twenty patients. This is a massive car accident, we will have massive injuries but I swear to God I am in no mood for any casualties.” The nurses started running all over the place. “I’m pretty sure I don’t need to tell the fifth years to pay maximal attention to their patients. With my permission, ya get to operate solo today but only on minor surgeries.” His fifth year residents of the day got all excited, and then he turned to the team of attendings that was gathered around him.

“Tsumu, if I weren’t already married to the hottest and smartest alive I would be hitting on you right now.” Bokuto exclaimed and made everybody laugh, except for Atsumu.

“This is sexual harassment an’ my tellin’ Akaashi. Anyway guys let’s get ready. As I said, no casualties.”

A few seconds later, they were surrounded by injured patients. Some had broken bones, others bleeding skulls, and for some of them they had the whole package and needed all the cares of every doctor that could be found.

“Damn it! Come on give me space.” He heard a male voice coming from behind the curtains and found Tsukishima inserting a chest tube inside a patient. “Fucking finally.” The blond growled as he managed to insert the tube. “We need to get her to CT.” The resident said with a calm voice, but his eyes full of worry.

“Nice job, Tsukishima. Keep it up.” Atsumu encouraged him, and then a soft voice called to him.

“Hey, hum, I’m sorry but I’ve been waiting to be taken care of and hum, I’m feeling a little dizzy.” A girl said, looking pale behind the dirtiness of her wounds. Her shoulder looked like it was dislocated and she needed a few snitches but other than that she seemed ok.

“Hey, I’m doctor Miya. What’s your name?” He put on clean gloves and examined her.

“I’m Hana. M-my boyfriend Suguru was driving and I don’t know if he’s okay we didn’t drive in the same ambulance so I need to know if he’s okay.” She was starting to hyperventilate.

“Hana, you need to calm down first. I’m going to care of you and I’ll try to know how your boyfriend is doing, okay? Good, now I need you to open your eyes for me.” He examined her eyes and they looked dilated. “Page neuro and ortho. Hurry up.” He warned an intern.

“Hey, I was called here. How can I help?” Shoyo showed up, easing Atsumu’s tension a little.

“This patient looks like she’s gonna need the extra help.” He let Shoyo examined her abdomen, and it was rigid. “Damn it, Hana what happened during the accident?”

“I.. I don’t know I don’t remember anything we were just driving and then a car hit us from behind and I think it p-pushed us on the car before us and I passed out.” She was panicking. “P-please though, I really need to know if my boyfriend is okay please tell me if he’s okay.”

“I’ll find out where your boyfriend is right now, Hana.” Shoyo stepped away smiling at both him and the patient, and went to find that girl’s boyfriend.

“You look very young, how old are you?”

“I’m seventeen.”

Ushijima, the pediatric surgeon, was paged and came first. Bokuto finished with his patient and opted to fix her dislocated shoulder before taking her to the head scan.

“I’m so sorry, this is going to hurt. I’m gonna count to three. Okay?” Bokuto warned Hana and she nodded. Atsumu held her hand because he knew she would want to hold, _crush_ , something when Bokuto did his thing. “Okay, one..” He didn’t count to three, of course. The surprise and the shock were better to forget the pain than to just wait for it. “I’ll patch you up and then you’ll be good to go get this head scan done. I’ll be back later to check on this shoulder, okay?” She nodded again and Bokuto leaved them to check on other patients who needed his ortho magic.

“Let’s get her to the scans right now, someone from neuro will meet her there directly. I don’t think this is wise to wait any longer.” Ushijima suggested, and so they both took the patient to the scan. On their way, they found Shoyo straddling a patient on a gurney, giving him a cardiac massage, following by Kuroo and a few hurried nurses and a scared intern.“Oh my God, that’s Suguru!That’s my boyfriend oh God is he going to die?” The girl began to cry, and both Ushijima and Atsumu had no idea if her boyfriend would pull through this or not.

“We’ll let you know when we find out, Hana.” Ushijima said.

As they were running her scan, they heard the door open. They simultaneously turned their heads to see who was entering the room, and surely only one of them felt their heart skipping two or three beats. Atsumu had managed to avoid him the entire morning, but he knew that eventually he would end up in such a situation. He knew it when he asked the nurse to page neuro.

“Doctors.” Sakusa cleared his throat and sat next to Ushijima, not sparing a glance at Atsumu. The latter shook his head, he was at work. He could let his personal feelings on the side and focus only on his work just fine, that he could do.

“Sakusa Kiyoomi, right?” Ushijima made conversation, which was unsettling to a certain extent, but Atsumu guessed even the coldest prick ‘Ushijima Wakatoshi) wasn’t able to just ignore Sakusa Kiyoomi and pretend he wasn’t a walking piece of art, that came directly from freaking John Hopkins.

“Yes, nice to meet you. You’re a ped surgeon, she’s a kid?” Ushijima nodded and Sakusa examined the pictures appearing on the screen, and then sighed. “I need to open her. You see that?” He pointed with a pen a white pattern on the screen.

“An aneurysm.” Atsumu said mechanically. “It leaked.”

“She probably didn’t even know she had that aneurysm and she has to find out after a nasty car accident.” Ushijima continued, shaking his head. “Poor kid. I’ll go get an intern to prep her for surgery.” The pediatric surgeon left the two of them in the silence of the now chilly room, or maybe it was just Atsumu panicking. Maybe.

“See ya in the OR.” Atsumu stood up from his seat and moved to leave the room.

“It’s good to see you again.” He heard Sakusa’s voice, but he didn’t allow himself to turn back and talk to him. Not when he was supposed to have an easy day.

_______

Sakusa was packing, emptying their apartment of his things. Atsumu, sitting on the couch with his face buried in his face tried not to show his mess of a face to his leaving boyfriend.

“You haven’t said a word to me in a week, Atsumu.” Sakusa let a box fall on the floor, provoking a big thud. “This is not fair.”

“Not fair? Are ya fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” Atsumu rose from the couch, his face exposed. He knew he looked like shit. He had barely slept and eaten in a whole week and spent his days crying in his bed or in the shower. “Yer the one leavin’, so don’t ya dare talkin’ ‘bout what’s fair and what’s not.” He yelled.

“I’m not leaving you. I’m simply leaving the country for my medical education and you know it.” Sakusa was so calm about it that it unnerved Atsumu all the more. He couldn’t possibly be so passive about it, making Atsumu look like he was overreacting.

“Yeah, right. Because fuckin’ Hopkins in fucking Maryland is right next door? Like this is completely healthy for a couple to live 6,785 miles away from each other? Fuck ya, Kiyoomi. Fuck ya for not tellin’ me sooner. You applied for Hopkins and didn’t even _think_ of tellin’ me.”

“I didn’t expect to be accepted. It was a surprise.”

“Ya took the entrance exam, ya sent your application and didn’t tell me. Ya did it all behind my back because why, exactly? Why?” He threw his arms in the air, looking completely crazy and off-balanced and it was maybe because he was. Sakusa had made him crazy and off-balanced. When Sakusa didn’t answer, Atsumu had to stop himself from throwing the coffee table directly to his face. “Ya waited until the last minute to tell me. Me, the guy you’ve been datin’ since High school. The guy ya’ve been sharin’ an apartment with for five years. I hate yer guts. I swear to God you, have no idea how much I hate yer guts right now.”

He fell back on the couch and buried his face in his hands, ending in his previous position once again. He felt Sakusa sitting next to him. He placed his arm around his waist and as Atsumu didn’t jerk away, he allowed himself to rest his head on Atsumu’s shoulder. It broke his heart a million times just to think of the fact that this might be the last time his boyfriend would hold him like that.

“I love you.” Sakusa’s voice was low and broken. He was crying, too. “I love you. I’m so sorry. I love you, Atsumu.”

“I love you.” Atsumu replied, and they didn’t move from their position for a long, long time.

_______

Atsumu went home exhausted and irritated from his day at work. On the bright side, the surgery on Hana had been successful and her boyfriend made it out of surgery perfectly fine. Some people had their happy endings, like Shoyo who got out of work all smiling and happy because Kageyama was waiting for him in the parking-lot. Like his brother and Suna who were in a healthy and disgustingly cute relationship, or even Bokuto and his writer boyfriend he wouldn’t shut up about.

People had their happy endings, and Atsumu didn’t. He even had to endure Ushijima’s weird attempt at flirting in the OR while Sakusa had his hands in a girl’s brain, despise the fact that he too had both hands in that girl’s abdomen. That was highly unethical and now Atsumu held a grudge against mister perfect Ushijima.

He was glad that Suna and Osamu spared him the thousand questions they were dying to ask, and just held him on their leather couch until he felt safe enough and able to walk to the shower.

He didn’t want to be back to square one, it was a waste of time. So he decided, as his tears melt with the hot water pouring on his face, that he wasn’t back on square one. He convinced himself that the past seven years weren’t for nothing, that he grieved and moved on. Hopefully, it would work.

_______

“Hey, so how was yer first day?” Atsumu hid in the basement of Inarizaki Memorial Hospital while Suna made sure no one would come and scold them for not practicing actual medicine.

“It was a 48 hour shift, how do you think?”

“Americans are freakin’ torturers. But yer holdin’ up, right?” He smiled widely, picturing how Sakusa was probably lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

“You know I am. I gotta go now, I’m falling asleep.”

“I love you, Kiyoomi.”

“I love you, Atsumu.”

He hung up and found Suna glaring at him. “What?” He barked at his friend.

“Nothing.” Suna turned away, apparently undisposed to talk his mind to Atsumu, but the latter wasn’t having it so he ran after him and caught him by his scrub shirt. “Atsumu, you don’t want to hear it from me. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear it at all.”

“Nah go ahead an’ tell me why ya were starin’ at me like that. Unless ya don’t have the balls to tell it to my face?”

“I’d punch that ugly face if I didn’t need these hands to practice.” Suna sighed and placed both hands on his hips. “Atsumu, this long distance shit you and Sakusa have going… it’s not going to work.” He smiled sympathetically, but that didn’t calm Atsumu.

“What the fuck? Why are ya sayin’ this?”

“Because you asked me to. Open your eyes, this is going to hurt you in a way that… look. He left without even warning you, he’s left to live his dream and I sure as hell won’t blame him for that but… Sakusa is self-centered, he always has been. It was given that he would pull something like that one of these days.”

“Ya don’t know what yer talkin’ ‘bout, Suna.” Atsumu’s hands were shaking and he restrained from punching his friend. Part of him knew it was the truth, but the other part, the stubbornly in love part of him refused to accept this. “He loves me.”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t love you, I’m just saying he put his carrer first. And come on, we’re surgeons, we just started our programs. You guys have too high hopes if you actually believe that this is going to work. We’ll barely have time to date and if I wasn’t living with Osamu, I don’t even know how things would turn between us. It’s the ugly truth and I hate to be the person to break this out to you but this isn’t going to work. Open your damn eyes, Atsumu!”

“Nah, ya listen to me Suna! Ya stop talkin’ shit and ya leave me alone. That’s not any of yer damn business so back off!”

_______

A month went by, and Atsumu felt proud of himself. He still avoided the hell out of Sakusa when he could, but was civil with him when they had to work together and unfortunately, trauma cases often came with neuro problems.

“No, no, no. You don’t want Miya to get in your pants. He slept with half of this hospital, he might give you syphilis.” He heard a resident talk, and he didn’t even recognize her. He stopped in his tracks to get his lunch, and stood still behind the table of residents who looked like they were enjoying having lunch and talking behind his back. Suna and Kuroo stoof beside him, and frowned. He closed his fist to indicate them to not say a word.

“I’ve heard he’s totally whipped for the new neuro surgeon. I mean I’ve totally seen him staring at the guy during surgery. It was so gross. I don’t understand why chief Kita doesn’t just fire him. He’s… inappropriate!” Another woman said, and he would’ve been lying if he said it didn’t hurt him. And as if it weren’t the worst chosen moment possible, Sakusa showed up too with his hands carrying a tray of food. He raised his eyebrows but didn’t say a word. He didn’t move from Atsumu’s side, and something tickled the trauma surgeon’s skin. _Ah, chills. Of course_.

“The new neuro guy is a total catch, he wouldn’t even lay his eyes on doctor Miya? It’s like he’s avoiding him like the plague. Seriously, you have to see this. It’s so embarrassing how Miya simps for someone who wouldn’t even give him the time of day.” That was the last straw. Atsumu prepared himself to be as appropriate as possible while still hurting them as he scolded them, but Sakusa beat him up to it. He walked to the table and put his tray on it, startling the residents.

“You’re on my service today, right?” He asked one of the girls and she nodded. “Well, you’re not anymore. Good luck finding an attending that will take you on their service after I make sure they know you practice slander as a hobby.” She got up and runs outside of the cafeteria.

“He’s scary.” Kuroo faked a shiver and he hugged himself. “I never want to piss this guy off. I’d cry, not gonna lie.”

“Bitches gonna stay bitches.” Suna said and left to get his food. Atsumu wasn’t sure if he was talking about the residents, and he sincerely doubted it since Suna had a strict policy of never using that word to insult women. So Atsumu just shook his head, realizing that Suna still held a grudge against Sakusa, although he understood that he was just being protective. They were family, after all.

“You, and you.” Sakusa continued, “You’re stepping in an OR today.”

“But I have a surgery with doctor Bokuto today.” One of them tried to defend herself, to no avail because Sakusa kept glaring at her without even talking. “O-okay. I’ll find something else to do.” She and her friend took their trays and left the table. Sakusa put his tray in front of him and started eating. He looked over at Kuroo and Atsumu.

“Hurry up before Bokuto comes and ruins our lunch with his obnoxious loud voice.”

Kuroo laughed and hurried after Suna to get his food, and Atsumu just stared at his ex for a whole minute and realized the residents were right about him staring at a guy who wouldn’t give him the time of day. Sakusa noticed and stared back, but there wasn’t any pettiness in his eyes. There wasn’t any insult threatening to come out of his beautiful lips. _Beautiful lips!_ A small smile appeared on Atsumu’s face, and he disappeared into the crowd of surgeons waiting for their lunch.

They sat all four of them, tension so thick you could’ve cut it with a scalpel. Kuroo was the only one who didn’t notice, unsurprisingly. Bokuto and him were excellent doctors, incredibly smart scientists but when it came to social occurrences, they were as dense as rocks.

“Suna. Long time no see.” Sakusa weirdly engaged the conversation. Suna only nodded and stuffed his mouth with fries to avoid answering the head of neuro. Atsumu couldn’t help but notice how much Sakusa had changed. He wasn’t the same man that left Japan to fly to another continent seven years ago. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened to him this whole time, if he ever fell in love again, maybe he even got engaged, married? They were adults and these were legitimate questions, but Atsumu did his best not to ask them. Kuroo, on the other hand, didn’t have this delicacy.

“I’ve always wondered, do you have someone? Because you seem uninterested in both men and women despise the fact that this whole hospital tries to flirt with you. Except Atsumu, our resident flirt.” Kuroo asked with a grin, salad stuck between his white teeth. Atsumu rolled his eyes but didn’t take it personally or bad, he liked Kuroo. They were friends.

“Are you flirting with me, doctor Kuroo?” Saksua stayed impassive, and put the uneasiness of being asked personal questions on Kuroo. Atsumu smirked and didn’t hide it.

“What? Not at all? I’m just making conversation dude, what’s wrong with you? I’m engaged.” Kuroo blushed hard and Atsumu combusted in a fit of laughter along with Suna. They never missed the opportunity to laugh at Kuroo, it was just too delicious.

“Who’s the cursed guy?” Sakusa continued his teasing, much to Suna and Atsumu’s pleasure.

“Kozuma Kenma, a radiologist. He works here, actually. I’ll make sure you guys never talk to each other. He’ll side with you and I’ll cry and I’m not ready for that.” The head of cardio admitted and left the table after getting paged.

“Long time no see, indeed.” Suna said before sipping on his bottle of water. “I would’ve preferred not seeing you for a little longer though.”

“Suna.” Atsumu warned him. He didn’t see the relevance of being harsh towards Sakusa. Not after seven years. All of it simply seemed pointless. The obstetrician surgeon raised his hands in defense and left him with Sakusa.

“He hates me.” Sakusa said and startled Atsumu, who chose not to answer. “And it looks like you hate me too.”

Atsumu huffed and shook his head. “I don’t hate ya. It’d be ridiculous to hate ya after all this time.”

“Right.” An uncomfortable silence sat between them, and Atsumu prayed to get paged in the ER and find a nasty internal bleeding. Then he retracted his wish and mentally asked for forgiveness for being very inappropriate.

“Ya just stopped answerin’ my calls an’ my texts. And if it weren’t for Komori, I would’ve thought ya were dead, or somethin’. But ya were fine and I was hopin’ ya’d call back. But ’t was seven years ago, I moved on just like ya did.”

“Are you free tonight?” Sakusa asked, as if it was a totally not bizarre thing to say at the moment, so Atsumu blurted out a not so very graceful “What?! Didja not hear a word I said?”

“I heard. Are you free tonight though, Atsumu? There’s something I would like to show you.”

He pondered if it was a good idea to accept, but before he has even given enough thought, he said yes.

_______

Five months after Sakusa went to America, Atsumu was definitely a mess. It was getting harder and harder to keep in touch with his boyfriend as they were on very different time zones and with schedules straight ouf from hell.

As usual, he went to the basement with Suna watching if anyone would see them. He dialed Sakusa’s number and tried, tried, tried, until he got too tired to try again. It had been a week since Sakusa hadn’t returned his calls and texts and Atsumu was worried ouf of his mind.

“Atsumu, you need to stop.”

“Don’t ya start with that crap again, Suna. He’ll call me back.” He was in denial, and well-aware of it. He had been in denial ever since Sakusa told him about Hopkins, he simply wasn’t ready to admit it because if he did, he would definitely be falling apart.

But after a month, Atsumu came to the realization that he needed to stop and that Osamu and Suna were right. It was over. But he couldn’t figure out why his boyfriend would stop talking to him without even giving him a reason. Komori didn’t have one either, or if he had one he kept it to himself. He merely reassured Atsumu and told him Sakusa was alive and doing ok. It pissed him off even more. Before Sakusa left, they promised each other to call it quit if one of them weren’t feeling like doing the long-distance thing anymore. They agreed on seeing other people, but that they would tell the other if it got serious. But Sakusa didn’t say anything and it pissed Atsumu off. After denial came anger, and it was easier to deal with anger.

_______

Sakusa parked his fancy car in the alley, and Atsumu was surprised to see that Sakusa actually lived in a house. He remembered that Sakusa preferred apartment since houses were a hassle to keep clean. The neuro surgeon opened the front door of his house open and the lights were already on.

“Ya left yer lights on? Ya really changed, Kiyoomi.” Atsumu joked but his breath was cut short at the scene happening before his very eyes. He blinked several twice and even considered pinching himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. But he definitely wasn’t.

“I’ll call you a cab. Thank you again, Kaede” He took his wallet out of his back pocket and gave money to the girl with one arm, the other holding a very small, very real kid.

The girl left the house and Atsumu stayed quiet. He followed Sakusa who was still holding the kid in his arms. They made no noise and went upstairs where he tucked the little boy in his bed. Atsumu noticed a frame on the bedside, in which there were Sakusa sitting at a restaurant with a crown on his head, smiling down at the boy who was blowing a “3” candle on a huge unicorn birthday cake.

Atsumu’s mind became a blur, he couldn’t think straight anymore. He remained quiet even as they went back downstairs and he sat on the couch, waiting for Sakusa to come back with two glasses of water.

“He’s my son.” He gave the glass with Atsumu along with the news.

“I.. I sorta figured it out.” Atsumu frowned and licked his lower lip. He had no idea what he was supposed to say, or ask, or even do. He was lost, but mostly hurt. Deeply, infinitely hurt.

“I owe you an explanation. But before I start, I need you to know that I am sorry for never returning your calls and for basically ghosting you. I need you to know that I wake up everyday hating myself more than the day before for what I did to you.” Sakusa looked at the turned off TV screen and stuck his eyes on it, and Atsumu was glad because he wasn’t sure he could handle Sakusa’s gaze. His whole body was shaking, although he did his very best to remain calm. But he was finally getting the truth behind Sakusa’s actions, after finding out he was a dad.

“There was a party. And there was a girl, just a girl I had never seen before. She flirted with me, we were both drunk. We went upstairs and had sex. That was it. I didn’t even bother to ask her name or anything else. It was a drunk, sloppy one-night stand. Or that’s what I thought.” He rubbed the back of his head and then crossed his hands together, bending his upper body. Atsumu brought his feet on the couch and hugged his knees. He knew what was coming, or at least the main part. He wasn’t ready to take it.

“I never saw her again, she wasn’t even in the medical field. She was a history student, so there was absolutely no chance to see her ever again. But one day she showed up at my apartment, 2 months pregnant. She told me she didn’t want to get an abortion, but that she wasn’t planning on raising the kid. I…” He stopped to catch his breath and empty his glass of water. “At first I didn’t really care, you know. I knew my family would be mad at me for being so reckless, I knew it wasn’t fair to you to bring a kid that you didn’t want into your life. But after a certain amount of time I began to realize that she would give birth to my kid. _My_ kid, that I wasn’t enough of a jerk not to hold her hand during labor, and that I would want to hold him. I was in a middle of life crisis at 25, it wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this, I hated myself so badly you can’t possibly imagine Atsumu.”

He took a deep breath and dared a look at Atsumu. But he wasn’t physically capable of looking back at this man who slept with a stranger, got her pregnant and didn’t see fit to tell him and for what? Sparing his feelings? _Great freakin’ job, Sakusa_. He didn’t say a word though. He remained silent and let Sakusa finish his story.

“You’re not the only whose calls I didn’t return, if that’s any consolation. I avoided my parents for months and only kept in touch with Komori so he could tell people I was still alive. It was very complicated. But then my son, Ryuji, was born. And she was still certain that she didn’t want to raise him. My mother came a few days after I announced her the birth of my son, and she lived with me this whole time. She… my father refused to talk to me for a couple years but my mother was here to help me raise this kid. I couldn’t do it on my own, especially as a resident surgeon. Amber, Ryuji’s mother, she visited him once or twice a week at first and then she stopped coming for good. He grew up without a mother, but at least he had my mom. And he had me, too. Having a son was life-changing in a good way, he became my top one priority and another good reason to become an excellent surgeon. Every day I… I wanted to call you, I really did. But it chickened out and time went by and it just was inappropriate to try to contact you. Again, I’m sorry.”

Atsumu wiped a tear absentmindedly. He wasn’t even aware he was silently crying. It was too much to handle, too much not to fall apart in a million pieces again.

“I should’ve break with ya. The minute ya told me ya were goin’ to Hopkins, I should’ve called it quit. It would’ve spared me a great deal of pain, ya know that right?”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Stop sayin’ yer sorry. It makes it worse.” He took a tissue from the box on the wooden table and disgracefully blew his nose. “God, ya just made my life a livin’ hell for the second time. Good job.”

“Yeah, I’m on roll.” Sakusa joked and caused Atsumu to ugly laugh, mouth open but hands covering it, scared to wake up Saksua’s son. “You probably don’t want to hear that right now, from me. But I love you. I never stopped loving you these past seven years.”

Atsumu got up so fast from the couch that he had to catch himself from falling. He looked ridiculous but didn’t care. “What didja just say?”

“I said I love y’”

“Nah shut up, I heard it. What the fuck? What the actual fuck?” He panicked, to say the least. It was a very Atsumu thing to do and Sakusa smiled fondly at him.

“I’m a dad now I have no regards for my pride. I love you and I miss you. What are you going to about it, Atsumu?” He walked and closed the gap between Atsumu and him. It wasn’t fair, but Atsumu welcomed the proximity without a protest.

“I can see that. But seriously, I live with ‘Samu and Suna and they hate yer guts. They’re gonna kill me just knowin’ I was at yer place. We can’t…”

“I don’t give a crap about what your brother and his boyfriend have to say. If you have to move in with me, move in with me. End of the story.”

“I think yer skippin’ a looooot of steps here Kiyoomi. Slow down.” He took a step back, but still grinning.

“I know living together is out of the equation, I’m just saying I’m ready to start again if you’ll allow me.” Sakusa retreated to the kitchen and Atsumu heard the noise of bottles clicking together.

“Yer out of yer damn mind. Ya have a kid. He really doesn’t need to have a walking mess like me in his life. Plus, I never said I loved ya too. I moved on, Kiyoomi.” He joined him in the kitchen, and a few seconds later he was pinned against the fridge, both Sakusa’s hands cupping his face. He suddenly felt hot and closed his eyes waiting for a kiss.

Sakusa’s lips crashed his with hunger, need and lust. Buried feelings resurfaced and burned Atsumu’s skin with desire and love for the man who was bruising his lips. Hands all over, it was getting harder for both of them to think straight. But thankfully, Atsumu came back to his senses before they both did something they would regret in the morning.

“Kiyoomi. Now that’s _burnin’_ the steps. I… we can’t. I can’t.”Sakusa put a hand on his own lips and looked away, red crippling on his neck and up the tip of his ears. “How ‘bout we go to dinner first, yeah?”

“Dinner it is, then.”

Atsumu was impressed at how easy it was to have things his own away with _the_ Sakusa kiyoomi, who initially was a pride and snarky bastard. He guess parenthood really did change him, but it didn’t change the face that Atsumu needed time to process everything, and to heal. And he wouldn’t be able to heal in Sakusa’s arms. But in time, surely in time he would come back into his arms and be happy with him once again. Because in the end, Sakusa Kiyoomi was the love of his life, wether he was 6 thousand miles away for seven years, or in his vicinity with a kid that wasn’t Atsumu’s but in time, could be.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Twitter, @/kiyoolicious, and talk to me whenever you want about whatever you want.


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